Thursday, September 30, 2004
hello... i m now in school supposed to be working on the report for my module yet still slacking. hahha. i know this week is your study week.. how's your preparations? hehe. i have exam this weekend but i havent study. have been really busy doing projects. well... very sad lor my project group mates.. everyone like no mood to do project and sad enough i have to be the only one doing. haiz...
well... i am now a bit sadded. not only with projects... but project mates attitudes.. and boyfriend and also money. now really very broke. presentation coming soon. maybe wanna borrow shirt from you can? what colour shirts do you have? you mind lending me? wa so cool your exams end le can enjoy your birthday. well for me my exams start the end of october and early november. after that i think i will have to go to malaysia. my niece's birthday. hehe. she's so cute. miss her so much.
hmm... sian ah.. exams... haha. now everyone is like busy preparing for test and report and everything yet i m still so slack. i really dont know how i am going to pass my modules. and now dont have sup paper liao for SP. sianz.
recently just a few days back a girl from the MM block fell off the building and died ok... at Sp. i think it's so saddening for her parents... haiyo. i really so curious. at first i thought is commit suicide. later then i realise is she sit on the railings and fall to her death. very haiyo lor.
as for boyfriend problems... well... i dont know. he says he doesnt like her... but they talk like bgf. it's ok... then he even ask her to be his gf. which i am not ok. and i happen to see it on our 6 month anniversary when i spend my day camping at his house. he was sick the whole week then so i went to take care of him.. but then i didnt expect that i had this in return...
and when i ask him about that girl.. he still dare to say nothing even though he already asked her to be his gf. well... i dont mind a guy not having money, not paying for my meals when we go out etc. though i often wish my boyfriend could afford, but he cannot. so it's ok. i wanna go and watch jay's concert. no one go with me. even if i pay for my ticket he also cannot pay for his. so well.. isn;t it sad that what you wanna go watch a lot cannot go.. i waited 2 years for the concert lor. sian. and it's just after my birthday not long, so it's like YEAH! but now is SIAN... cause cannot go.
at first we were really distant... we slowly drifted apart le. he even told that girl "sian lah shuen". i know he is sian of me le lor. at first we were really apart. now things on the surface are better. but i know that it will not last. my friends have been telling me to break off... i dont know what exactly should i do. sometimes its quite hard to bring up a break up. since now things are looking better on the surface, i am just carrying on and see... but for now, i think there will be no good ending.
i am thinking, whether it's better to draw a nice fullstop at midway of the paragraph... or should i continue writing this sad ending paragraph and end it with a unfinished fullstop? my friend says "if it was a nice thing... then u wont even have to write full stop. you are so poor thing and i dont think you should still be so committed to him and still so attached to him. why put yourself through all these?"
what i am a bit sad about, is i spend a lot on a whole set of formal clothes.. and he know i was broke.. but he didnt pay for my meals or what. its ok go dutch. but then what i am a bit sadded, is when i am broke i pay him back my share cause he say he abit no money. but he isnt so sensitive for me... i am DAM BROKE... and i settle the bill first... and ... even more broke after paying for myself and him... ohh... sad~. i dont know how to ask and didnt know how to say how i feel also. i really dont know how... i mean... if i leave cause of the "betrayal" and the money issue, then i am money face right? but then... if i hang on, my friend advice me saying " what;s the point of hanging on and putting yourself thru all these pain? you are broke and instead he doesnt pay for you and make you pay for him". my sister is a realistic person, she thinks as long as a guy cannot pay for you then can forget it. AT MOST, is go dutch. but cannot pay for a guy. i a bit think so too. but how? what should i do?
i scar my leg and it's pain. that day we went to shop for clothes he hurried me out of the room. cuase its curtain de so he will pull open. i tried the first skirt then he open. the second one i just zip up then he open le... i nearly zao gen. then the 3rd one he wanna open when i havent even put on. so hurrily, my shoes the heels cut my leg. it was dam pain... and bled. but he didnt really feel bad or what. i couldnt walk. causei was wearing jeans. very pain cause will rub dao when walking. then he still say let's continue walking. and when i didnt buy the skirt he say why.. i say wanna think first and also i dont want to buy something in fashion now wait later wear le so weird my mum will say me waste money i also dont want mah. besides i feel bad buying something and not wearing it often after that cause it's out of fashion. so i told him this and he said i picky, this kind of thing also wanna think. not as if i am very rich can buy and buy lor.
he keeps complaining poor, yet he doesnt know how to cherish money and buy things that are of long term use... then fine. his problem! now i like that he also wanna comment. before that we entered shops that had skirts like 50 or 60... so exp i dont want. he go and say in front of the sales girl "buy lah why you dont buy... " is like, he obviously know i am broke and still make me ma lu in front of the sales person when she approach me for size. i sianed. then cut my leg right.. then i was hungry, he wasnt. so he just cont walking when my leg hurt and hungry. finally it was time to eat. so we went to eat kfc. and long queue mah. he couldnt make up his mind what to eat. so he say will eat what i eat. i was thinking so ok lo i go and buy. the queue dam long and my bag was with him. no phone how to call. so i had to leave the line and ask him want cripsy or original. then i went back again requeue. then it was quite long lah. when i buy liao.. is i pay lor. he never pay me back i abit sianed. but what made me more sian, was when i going to turn out from the queue to go back to my table, he was there. i asked,where is my bag? he left my bag right ON TOP on the table we sit.. a bit far away and its not within "can see" distance. i fume... my bag leh... put there for people to still is it? its handbag, not school bag. and i ask.. he say " i take your phone it's with me". but its like... huh? its my bag and you are responsible for it lor. how could you do such a thing to just leave it there? at that point i really wanted to cry in public ok. how can i have a boyfriend who not only is not concern for me, but also so insensitive lor... is like.. at that point... i really feel the distance liao...
i know we are not going anywhere le.. and i dont know how long more can i hang in there... as in.. dont say school project and friends lah... is like.... he wants all Z grades. one module cannot get A he gave me attitude problem for days lor... until i shoot him then he improved a bit. but how i can stay with a guy like that... who is so hostile to me.. doesnt care about me... insensitive... and doesnt pay for me.. yet i still have to pay for him?
i go home myself.. cause he doesnt send me home anymore. sometimes i will say i go home myself... cause he is either too tired... or cause i know.. its coming to an end. if i dont learn to be independent and go home myself... next time i will feel sad. haha. gtg le.. will blog again and continue my story. hope you havent fallen asleep.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
hello how's life? me ah... very boring. now is my one week break but i have this and that to do. it's not any holiday at all. so stupid! i am involved in the retail fair and the fashion show which will be next week. just straight after school starts. a bit boring cause have to go for clothes fitting and cat walk classes. hehe. but quite interesting, just that the time spent! worse is i got 5 projects to do... and everyone is not doing them. boring. dam sian...
what about you? exams coming soon right? very boring and sian de right? ... haiz. i start school liao busy with the retail day and the fashion show all that then 2nd and 3rd weeks is project submission liao. boring.
my monitor just spoilt. and i just bought one today. haiz. every hols computer sure spoil. dam sian...
aiyo why you fall sick? now got the bird flu then caused me to have no eggs to eat! miss eating eggs so much. haha. now you so poor thing everyday eat porridge? how long have you been sick liao?! wa i dam sian 3rd week after proj submission then week 4 last week then exams liao... about the same as you lor. haiz... school sucks. haha..
yesterday i just witness an accident... that made me more determine to continue my dream... to be a nurse. i just saw someone got hit and flew~ omg! have you ever witness anything like that?
hey you must take good good care ok and have plenty of rest, drink lotsa water and do not eat heaty food... hope to hear you well soon~ take care... with lotsa love and concern... ;)
